The Alchemist - Chapter 57
Apr. 9th, 2008 09:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
northangel27Warning: I'm putting a warning on the first part of this chapter for sexuality.
Chapter 57
Shortly after lunch Severus had expressed the need to return to the school, and she had agreed without question. Dora clearly intended to stay a little longer, and she thought it best to leave she and Remus alone, let the thing which silently hung over them play itself out. Remus had accepted her embrace as she left, but she had felt the guilt in him.
“It wasn’t your fault, Remus. No one blames you…” she had whispered, but he had said nothing, and she knew that he blamed himself anyway.
“Write me.”
He had nodded, and then she and Severus had left, walking in silence to the edge of the garden and apparating back to Hogsmeade.
Now they walked side-by-side, the gravel of the lane crunching under foot as the sun shone warmly against their backs. He had not said a thing since they left, and she reached out and took his hand, needing to feel the warmth of it. To her surprise it was ice cold. She stopped pulling back on his arm until he did the same.
He glanced around nervously, as though afraid that they might be seen. Finally his eyes found hers. “What is it?”
She squeezed his icy fingers. “Are you alright?”
“Fine.” It was short, clipped, and for some reason she could not quite pin down she was suddenly reminded of a much younger Severus, of the little boy whom she had spent an eye-opening summer with before receiving her invitation to Hogwarts so many years before. It was something in his tone, his eyes. He was not fine in the least, and yet he did not want her to see it. He wanted her to think him brave.
“No Severus, you are not. You have barely spoken since it happened…”
“I have. You were not there to hear it.”
She smiled a little. “Then you and Remus did have a talk?”
“Which you well know, as you obviously planned it that way.”
“Are you angry about it?”
He stared at her in silence for a moment. “No.” He pulled his hands gently from hers, and then turned and began walking back toward the school. “The man is a fool, Lily. He’s been without Wolfsbane for months.”
“Well, I gather it isn’t the easiest thing to acquire.”
“He need only have asked.”
“You…” She gazed over at him in wonder. “You offered to brew it for him?”
“Of course. And why shouldn’t I? I did so before, when he was teaching at the school. He knew it, and he could have asked at any time if his supplies were running low…”
She smiled widely. “You know Sev, I think that you are a little softer of heart then you like to let on… That was downright ‘nice’ of you…”
He said nothing, but he glanced over at her out of the corner of his eye, and she saw the corners of his mouth twitch. She laughed.
“It was and you know it!” Reaching out she grabbed his arm, and when he stopped again, she threw her arms around him. “Thank-you, Sev.”
His arms slipped around her tentatively and she could feel him craning his neck to look about them again. He so hated public displays of affection. She pulled away. “Don’t worry, no one’s going to run back to the school and report us to the headmaster…and even if they did, what is he going to do about it, hmm…?”
He looked into her eyes, a gleam of amusement in his own. “I don’t know, Miss Evans. He may put us both in detention.”
“But then that would rather defeat the purpose, would it not? I think that there is no place I would rather be than serving detention with Severus Snape.” She winked at him playfully and then turned and started to walk swiftly away. After a second or two she heard him hurry to catch up with her, and to her very great surprise and pleasure, he reached out and pulled her to him, kissing her full on the lips in the middle of the road.
It was hot and deep and passionate and she lost herself in it for several minutes, not wanting to come up for air, not wanting to have to think about all there still was unsaid between them. He had never done anything quite so spontaneous or bold before, and she wanted to appreciate every moment of it.
After what seemed like a lifetime he pulled away and she sighed a little in disappointment. He was looking around again, but the lane was just as abandoned as it had been moments before. His cheeks were flushed, and when he reached down to grab her hand again, she noticed that his was warm.
She expected him to continue on down the road, but instead he pulled her off to the side of the lane, through the ditch and into the trees on the other side. He led the way, walking with long strides, and she almost had to jog to keep up. Once they had walked into the forest several minutes, he suddenly turned again and backed her up against the nearest tree claiming her mouth with a hunger that took her breath away. She moaned against his lips.
He pulled himself against her and she gasped a little in pain, as her ribs came into contact with his. He didn’t seem to notice, or mistook the gasp for something else, and really the pleasure now was so much greater than the pain, that she hardly cared. He was already hard and as his hips ground against her, she felt her body respond in kind, a warmth and wetness quickly pooling between her thighs.
He had caught her so completely off guard, that she didn’t even have time to consider what they were doing. She could only go along, ride the current of his passion wherever it led. He tore off her school robes, revealing the skirt and blouse beneath and then his hands fumbled beneath her skirt, as he desperately pulled down her stockings and knickers.
Her body burned as his hand skimmed along the flesh of her hips, and then plunged between her legs, and she cried out with the ecstasy and agony of it, needing him inside her. Her hands reached out for the top button of his trousers. She was almost too weak now to even move, and she wanted it done before she succumbed to this desire, wanted to free him, feel the hot length of him pressed against her, inside of her.
He groaned as her fingers brushed against him, and she felt him shudder. He was close, nearly as close as she…
And then he plunged himself inside of her, and she lost all sense of time and place. Everything blurred to that one feeling, him inside of her as he pulled himself deeper and deeper. She could feel it building, the sweet sensation of release. She vaguely registered the fact that she should wait for him, try to hold back, but she was drowning in the pleasure of a sea of sensation and could not find the means.
He tore at her blouse, his hands sliding beneath the fabric to slide up her back and then his fingers dug into her shoulders and he brought his lips to her neck. His breath was hot and ragged against her skin and it sent her over the edge. She cried out as a release stronger than anything she had ever felt overwhelmed her, and she threw her full weight against the tree behind her, no longer able to stand.
Within seconds he joined her, his weight pressing into her as she felt the heat of his release fill her. When he too fell against her, she slid weakly down the trunk of the tree bringing him with her and collapsed to a heap in the mossy underbrush. He fell beside her, his head thrown back against the ground, the dark strands of his lank hair spread out on the verdant green moss, and she could only gaze at him through a haze of satisfaction and amazement.
She would have never guessed him capable of such wild, unbridled passion until this very moment. It was a side of him she had no idea even existed and she was looking at him with new eyes. Her body was still humming and throbbing with pleasure, but she did her best to prop herself onto one elbow and stare down at him.
His chest rose and fell as his heart tried to slow in the wake of the exertion and his skin was flush, healthy looking in a way that made him look years younger. She smiled softly.
His eyes slowly slid open, a single tear escaping to slide back into his hair. His eyes held hers with a fire and intensity that held her utterly captive. “I never expected to love you so much…” There was an infinite sadness in his voice, and her heart broke as she felt his pain. Leaning down she softly pressed her lips against his. There were no words.
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Poppy clucked her tongue as she pulled up the fabric of her shirt and took in the condition of her ribs. “Well, they very well may be broken, My Dear. What on earth have you been up to?”
“Just a little poorly timed run-in with Lupin. I honestly don’t think that their broken, just bruised.”
The woman’s eyes clouded. “Lupin? Last night? Lily, last night was a full moon!”
“Hence the bruises…” Severus added coolly.
“Well, is he a danger…? Surely we should inform Albus…”
“Oh, there’s no need for that. He was miles from here, and quite safely tucked away. It was my fault really, not his.”
“But is he not taking his Wolfsbane?”
“He is now…” Severus grumbled.
She smiled weakly and then winced a little as Poppy applied the dittany. Her ribs had been tender before, but the activities of earlier seemed to have made it worse.
“Careful…” Severus took a small step forward, and Poppy shooed him away with her hand.
“I have this covered, Severus. Why don’t you go and sit over there. I don’t need you underfoot all the time. You aren’t the only one who cares for her. She’ll be finished in a moment.”
He glared at Poppy darkly, but did as she asked, though she could see him still attempting to keep an eye on the proceedings from across the room. Poppy shook her head and then turned back to her with a smile. “So then Lily, how is it that you managed to come away, fairly unscathed, from such a close encounter with a fully transformed werewolf?”
She smiled back weakly. “I’m not sure actually…”
“Well you are very fortunate…And you said he was tucked away somewhere…”
“In the old cottage in Pirton; the one that used to belong to Sirius. You remember it.”
“Ah yes…” She smiled mischievously and then reached out and pulled something from her hair. “Well, unless the cottage in Pirton has become rather run down over the years, I can’t help but wonder how you came by these. Lily looked down and blushed deeply at the sight of the dried moss and leaves the woman had just plucked from her hair. The woman laughed brightly then and looked past her at Severus. Even though she wasn’t looking at him, she could tell that he was rather put out by the woman’s prying. Poppy looked over at him then and laughed even harder. “Don’t worry Severus; your secret is safe with me.”
Turning back to her, she lowered her voice. “But in all seriousness, Lily. You seem to be good for him. I’ve not seen him look so well in years. It does my heart good. He was always such an isolated thing. I thought when he came here to teach all those years ago, that he might have outgrown it, but… Well, that’s enough out of me.” She pressed the bottle of dittany into her hand, and raised her voice again. “Apply this twice a day for a week, or until the bruising has gone down…Severus, make sure that she does.”
He mumbled something unintelligible under his breath and then got up as she walked toward him and followed her out of the ward. “Insufferable woman…”
She smiled and reached down to squeeze his hand. “She means well, Severus. And she does care about you – about us. Don’t shut out friends where you can find them.”
He squeezed her hand back but said nothing, and then released it, as they turned the corner and made their way through the crowded corridor that led to the main staircase. “There is supper in a couple of hours, and I have a mountain of marking to get caught up on. Will you join me?”
She nodded. “I should be marking too, but I don’t think I will… I really did want to talk about what happened last night.”
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as they descended the stairs. “If you wish.”
“I do.”
“Sir!” They had reached the foyer now and they both turned as Blaise raced across the vast expanse, a piece of parchment clutched in his hand. He was out of breath as though he had been running. “There is a Hogsmeade visit tomorrow, and I could not find you yesterday after class. Can you sign the release?”
He handed the small parchment and quill to Severus who walked over to the wall and signed it without comment. He handed it back to him. “I owe you an apology, Blaise.”
The boy looked surprised. “For what, Sir?”
“A few weeks ago when I came into the common room looking for Malfoy, I was sharp with you and there was no call for it. Forgive me.”
Blaise looked to her briefly as though hoping she could explain, but she just smiled and he turned back to Severus. “Well…Yes, of course, Sir.”
Severus nodded. “Is there anything else?”
“No Sir.”
“Very well. Enjoy yourself in Hogsmeade tomorrow.”
“Yes Sir, I will.”
They walked away, and she couldn’t help but notice that Blaise was glued to the spot staring after them. “That was good of you.”
“Well I am his guardian. Who else would sign the form?”
“Not that,” she said softly. “The apology. He did not expect it that was clear.”
He said nothing and they walked the rest of the way to his rooms in silence. Once they arrived he warded the door and lit a fire as was his habit, and she settled onto the sofa to stare into the flames. “So what did happen last night, Severus?”
He stood with his back to her staring in the flames. “What do you remember…?”
“I remember you tried to enter, you were going to…you pointed your wand at him, and then he lunged at you… Once the door shut again he turned and moved to attack, and then I felt pain and there was a flash of light and…and then there was nothing.”
Resting his arm on the mantle he leaned forward and put his head in his hand. “I don’t know what happened.”
Her brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean you don’t know?”
He sighed and turned, striding across the room to sit beside her on the sofa. He reached out and took her hands in his. “If I give it to you – the memory – do you think that you would be able to see it?”
“Leglimency?”
“Yes.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know…I can’t see why not. Try it.”
“Are you sure?”
“We already share nearly all of our memories, we speak telepathically. There is no reason why this shouldn’t work. But if you don’t mind my asking, why not just tell me?”
His eyes clouded and he stared down at her hands in his. “Because I don’t know what I saw. Perhaps…I hoped that perhaps if you saw it, saw what I saw, you might have a better explanation.”
“Alright.”
He looked up then, his black eyes locking with hers and she instantly felt him probing her mind. She tried to relax, let him in, and at the same time reach out to his. She felt the moment their minds became one and she slid forward on the sofa, drawing closer.
The first part of the memory was just snippets: Harry knocking on the door to his office, handing him the note. He read it, or rather it felt as though she read it, and immediately she felt the adrenaline surge through his veins the fear and panic. Fear of the situation yes, but more a fear that he would lose her. And then there was the rush to the edge of the school property, the fear that he would not be able to apparate there, as he did not know the place; the relief when he arrived, and then the renewed horror when he found Tonks in a tearful heap outside the door.
She felt his terror and hatred as he opened the door ready to kill, and his helplessness and shame when it was slammed again leaving him outside and her inside. And then they reached the moment. The memory slowed, grew more detailed, and she almost felt as though she were there again, only this time on the other side of the door.
“DON’T SEVERUS! DON’T COME IN AGAIN. PLEASE!” Her voice cracked and pleading.
“LILY!” He pressed himself against the door; eyes squeezed shut, hands balled into white knuckled fists of helpless desperation.
“DON’T SEVERUS!”
And then there was a flash of the purest, whitest light. It seemed to stream from under the door, but also fill the room, fill him. Like an electric shock the force of it threw him back from the door, and he landed in a heap on the floor. He shook his head to clear it and then leapt to his feet lunging toward the door. “LILY!”
There wasn’t a sound. He spun around on Tonks who looked terrified. “Get in the kitchen, now! Do not come out again unless directly instructed to do so. GO!” Scrambling to her feet the girl did as she was told, and the moment the door slammed behind her and the latch slid into place he turned back toward the door. “Lily!?”
Still there was no response and the fear that he was too late, that his fear, his cowardice had been the death of her, made him feel physically ill. He did not matter now. Only she mattered. With a deep breath he pushed the door open again. The wolf stood hovering over her motionless frame, but its head snapped around when he opened the door, and a growl sounded deep in its throat.
Lily would hate him, hate him forever if he did it, but he would be damned if he would stand by and let Lupin kill her, or worse. He took a careful step inside the room, wand still drawn, and he inwardly cursed as he noted how badly his hands shook. The wolf was watching him closely, and he was trying to take in its every move while still assessing her to see if she was unharmed. There did not appear to be any blood. She lay curled onto her side, facing him, her face so peaceful she could have been sleeping.
Slowly he closed the door behind him and latched it securely. Still the animal watched him, but it wasn’t a predatory look, more one of caution. Very carefully, he slid along the wall until he bumped up against the wardrobe. He was now directly across the room from Lily and the beast, and his heart was hammering so loudly in his chest it was making him dizzy.
Gradually he slid down the wall, an inch at a time, until he was seated against the wall, his knees pulled up against his chest. The animal began to growl softly again, but after a few minutes of watching him, and evidently deciding that he was not a danger, it turned its eyes back on Lily. He tightened his grip on his wand.
One move. One false move and he would do it…
The wolf lowered its muzzle to her face and sniffed, and then it moved a little and sniffed her hand too. From the corner his breathing quickened. It was so close. One quick move and the animal could bite her before he could even intervene. He should do it, should do it now while he had the chance, but something stopped him.
And then the beast did something it did not expect. It began to lick her hand, and then moved up and licked the top of her head. Finally, circling three of four times, it curled up and settled in against her. He didn’t know what to do. He tried moving a little, but the moment he did, the animal’s head shot up and it growled, teeth bared. He fell back against the wall and stayed as still as he could.
The wolf remained that way, curled up next to her, as though guarding her until the first rays of dawn broke over the horizon filling the room with pure morning light.
He pulled away suddenly and she gasped a little in surprise, because she had been so deeply engrossed in the memory that she had almost forgotten it was not hers. It took her a moment to reorient herself, and when she finally did, she realized that she was still staring deeply into his eyes. They were full.
“What…? What is it?”
“I’m sorry, Lily.” It was barely a whisper, and for the life of her, she could not imagine what he was sorry for.
“For what, Severus?”
He just shook his head and looked away.
“Severus, please. What is it?”
“I hesitated.”
She shook her head. “Yes, you hesitated. You hesitated because I begged you to, because it was Lupin, because…”
His eyes snapped to hers. They were filled with anguish. “And it could have meant your death!” he cried.
“But it didn’t….” Reaching out she pulled him to her. “It didn’t…”
“I wanted to do it…” he whispered against her neck. “I knew that I should do it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t when it came down to it, because…because of what I knew he was to you…but worse than that, because…because it was Lupin…”
She shook her head, not understanding. “Of course you couldn’t. I don’t understand why it torments you so…”
He pulled away suddenly, his eyes dark, almost angry. “I cannot afford such weaknesses, Lily! If I must kill then I must kill. I cannot allow myself the luxury of hesitation!”
“Severus, it was Lupin!”
“And what of it?!” He was shouting now. “What difference does it make?! I…I hate Lupin!” He stopped his chest heaving, and she felt the conflict inside of him.
“No Severus. You do not hate Lupin. You hesitated because you care about Lupin, because it was the right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with that.”
He got to his feet unexpectedly and walked away from her to the hearth, where he began to pace back and forth. Finally he stopped and raked both hands through his hair before turning back to her, fear in his eyes. “Lily…what’s happening to me?”
She smiled softly. I don’t think it is anything to fear. It’s changing you. It’s changing me too. I feel it, a little bit each day…”
He shook his head. “What is…What are you talking about?”
“It’s like Ollivander said, isn’t it? The magik - the old magik. Love is the Alchemist of the soul, he said… Did he tell you of it when you went to see him?”
He nodded, his eyes softening a little, instead of anger and desperation, she only saw confusion and a curiosity that he could not quell in their black depths.
“You are changing. I am changing. Anyone in my situation last night would have instinctively reacted in fear, but…when I was lying there, when I was pinned beneath his weight, and I looked into his eyes, I suddenly remembered who it was, how much he meant to me, that after you he was my best friend growing up, that I loved him, and…and then something shifted… I don’t know how else to explain it. The love grew stronger than the fear. And the light… It is what I spoke of before, with the dementors near Spinner’s End. It was the same light that drove them off…”
“Truly?” He looked vastly interested now and he walked over to her side and sat down again.
She nodded. “Yes. And then there was the cursed necklace on the road from Hogsmeade, that first day I returned. I touched it. I touched Katie Bell, and yet I was not harmed…” Suddenly another detail of her conversation with Ollivander months before rose to her mind. “Severus, Mr. Ollivander said that I should ask you what happened the night you fetched me from Godric’s Hollow. He said that it was most likely then that the bond was formed, that he believes that it was your love for me that brought me back… You’ve never said. What happened that night…?”
She saw instant pain come to his eyes and regretted asking, the moment the words were out of her mouth. “I…I’m sorry, Severus. If it causes you pain…Forget that I asked.”
“No,” he interjected. “I want to tell you…I’ve wanted to tell you for a very long time…”
“Then tell me,” she whispered.
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(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-10 05:10 am (UTC)Question... is it possible for Severus to get more sexy? Because I think he is. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-10 12:07 pm (UTC)A question for the ages... lol. I think he's sexy too, in his own special Sevvie way. I guess we will just have to wait and see. I'm sure the posibility is there. Never say never!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-10 05:40 am (UTC)Oh gosh, I think this chapter raises even more questions. I totally forgot about the light that came out of Lily the last time. So does this mean nothing can harm her? Does the same go for Severus? And you know, with Sev transforming the way he is now, I'm wondering how he's gonna get around to killing DD. I know you mentioned that everything that happened in canon HBP is gonna happen here, but its even more interesting with the way things are progressing.
Awesome chapter! I can't wait for the next one as well. And I'm still hoping for a Snevans baby. XD
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-10 12:09 pm (UTC)I think that the issue with Dumbledore is going to be pretty interesting too ;-)
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-10 01:02 pm (UTC)Sorry I haven't reviewed the last few chapters; due to very great stupidity on my part, my laptop is currently at my parents' house many miles away and now I have to share my boyfriend's PC until I get it back - unfortunately that means I only really get on when he's at uni. Boys and their toys and all ;). Anyway, loved the chapter!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-10 06:25 pm (UTC)If only I knew how to draw... >.
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-10 06:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-25 08:29 pm (UTC)the conversation between Lily and Dora can easily be applied on Lily’s couple life. Sev’s life wasn’t fair and he did hesitate on that relation because he cared. I love these similar situations yet subtily different. It makes us go deeper in thought.
“And what good would it do to me Remus?” It sounded so much like Albus, I nearly jumped! The rest of the conversation showed how much the 2 men are alike (generosity) and how much they are different (Sev speaks whatever the consequences and Remus keeps everything inside –like young Sev once- he suffers in silence) Awesome chapter!!! That was a lacking conversation in canon!!!
Ps: I thought Sev would be jelous to death having a naked man hug his love! ;)
As for this chapter:
According to me it’s the best chapter of this story!!! Never ever appoligize again for sexuality!! Bring in as much as you can!!! This scene is even better than their first time!!! I loved his impredictible and bold way!!! But I would love to have just once his side of things, we always have Lily’s emotions, feelings, we see everything through her eyes, when it comes to the act! His sadness while confessing how much he loves her almost did me!
Poppy was so motherly and so funny, and that rooted blaise made me laugh!
And that memory! Wow! I loved his side of things it made the episode whole: his anguish: he saw that the beast was on top of her breathing down her face (a nightmare for the rest of her life! And his too!) I couldn’t stand being in his shoes but as you said love can do miracles; an ex death eater hesitating to kill, although his woman was in great danger and the latter seeing only love in a deadly beast! And it’s still realistic, not farfetched at all! The chapters are growing more and more interesting by the day!
(no subject)
Date: 2008-04-25 09:57 pm (UTC)I am so glad that someone caught this because it was totally my intention.
"But I would love to have just once his side of things, we always have Lily’s emotions, feelings, we see everything through her eyes, when it comes to the act!"
Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I actually never noticed. I will very much have to rectify that by the end, and I think I have the perfect place in the story for it too! I hope I remember when I get there. Lol.
"His sadness while confessing how much he loves her almost did me!"
Yes, I was a teary while writing that line actually.
"but as you said love can do miracles; an ex death eater hesitating to kill, although his woman was in great danger and the latter seeing only love in a deadly beast! And it’s still realistic, not farfetched at all!"
I am so glad it is coming across this way. This sort of subject matter can tend to become melodramatic quite easily, and it has always been a great fear of mine while writing this tale, that at some point it will start to stray into the realm of 'Romance Novel' and that is not something I have ever wanted for this tale. It is important for me to keep the characters and situations as realistic and raw as possible within the boundaries of a fantasy tale. Thanks so much for your comments. They always inspire me!