northangel27 | The Alchemist

Sorry this is so short, but its more than you've gotten from me on this story for awhile, so I suppose its at least something...

Chapter 78

The funeral had been a beautiful affair, and there had not been a dry eye anywhere, though she couldn’t help but suspect that some of the Slytherin students were crying for the loss of their head of house just as much or more than they were for the loss of a headmaster whom they had been little acquainted with.

She had only seen Harry from afar at meals since it happened. She had gone to the common room to see him a couple of times, but no matter what student she sent in to fetch him it was always Hermione Granger who would come out to meet her, and give her some weak excuse of why he couldn’t come out just then:

“Why do you keep doing it, Hermione? Why do you keep lying for him? Why not let him come out here and tell me to my face that he doesn’t want to see me?”

The girl winced. “It’s not that, Mrs. Potter, he…he just doesn’t know what to say to you. He loved Dumbledore - maybe more than anyone. They always had a special relationship, you know, and…and well, he hates Professor Snape, now, doesn’t he; and he doesn’t want to…he doesn’t know how to tell you that.”

She smiled weakly. “He told you all that?”

“Well no – not exactly, but…”

She nodded. “You’re a good friend Hermione. Tell him that if he wants to talk to me, my door is always open.”

The girl nodded. She looked tired, burdened. “I will. He’s going to be okay. Ginny’s with him.”

“Weasley?”

“Yes…” her voice faded and her eyes dropped. “Oh, then he didn’t tell you. They…they’re together now.”

“When did that happen?” She wasn’t surprised, but the knowledge of it weighed down on her heart for some reason she couldn’t understand.

“A few weeks ago. I…I thought that everyone knew. They…well, they haven’t always been that discrete with their affection.”

“Ahh… Well, I do have to admit that I’ve been rather distracted the last few weeks myself. It was neglectful of me not to notice, but thank-you for bringing it to my attention.” She turned to go, but then stopped and turned back. “Hermione…”

“Yes.”

“Tell him…tell him I’m happy for him. If he’s happy, then…then I’m happy.”

The girl nodded, forcing a smile. “I will.”

Now she could see her son’s head of dark, tousled hair pushed in close to the Weasley girl’s copper one as the crowds rose at the end of the ceremony. They were talking about something most serious, she could tell that even from a distance. After a moment or two he left her with Ron and Hermione who had remained seated and were clinging to one another in comfort, and walked off alone toward the lake. Rufus Scrimgeour broke away from the crowd and followed him. She should go to him. The man didn’t seem to have any tact at funerals. He had proved that at the Zabini funeral months prior. She should go but…

From a distance she suddenly realized how much of a man her boy had become. If she didn’t know better she would have thought she was seeing James standing there, and yet there was a slight stoop to the posture that insinuated a weight on his young shoulders, a weight that James had never had to bear. She hoped that all the suffering had been for something, that in the end it would make him a better man than even his father had been, but he was at such a critical juncture. If he let the hatred, the bitterness, consume him now… She could not bear the thought of having to see someone else she dearly loved waste some of the best years of their life on hate.

In the end she walked away and left him on his own. He was strong. Perhaps stronger than she or his father, and she knew that he could certainly hold his own with Scrimgeour. Her eyes scanned the crowd for any friendly face and she breathed a sigh of relief when her eyes finally fell upon Remus, sitting on the grass in the shade of a giant oak. He looked pale and ill, and there was a nasty gash across his left cheek. Two nights prior had been the full moon.

She had seen him holding hands with Dora Tonks during the service, and could only assume that it meant that her suspicions in regard to his decision about the girl had been correct. It didn’t surprise her. She only hoped he would be happy.

He turned and looked up, shading his eyes from the sun as she approached.

“Can I sit?”

He smiled weakly. “Of course.”

She slid down into the cool grass and kicked off her shoes. “There was a good showing. So many people…He was so loved…”

She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye. The lawn was a mass of people, standing in small groups conversing. Many of the students were slowly making their way back to the school. The train would leave in only a couple of hours to take them all back to London.

“How are you, Lily?”

“I’ve been better.”

“I would imagine…”

She turned and looked at him. There was something, something more than just the aftermath of his transformation. He looked suddenly so old. “This must have been difficult for you. I know that you were always very appreciative of what Dumbledore did for you while you were in school.”

He nodded once and she could see his eyes filling. “I’m sorry, Remus.”

The tears broke free and he didn’t bother to wipe them away. The sight of them twisted at her heart and she slid over and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I am…truly…”

Across the lawn she could see Dora, who was talking to Molly Weasley and Fleur Delacour, crane her neck around and scan the lawn. Her eyes stopped when she caught sight of the two of them beneath the tree. A tiny flicker of something danced across her eyes, and then she turned back to the conversation.

“Does she mind it, do you think? This?” she asked, giving his shoulder a soft squeeze.

“I…I don’t know.”

“I don’t want to cause trouble for you. I’ll leave if you think it will bother her.”

“No. Don’t.”

She smiled softly and let her head fall back lightly against the tree trunk behind them, her eyes sliding shut, her body relaxing for the first time in days. “I…I knew that it was coming – this – but I never thought it would come so soon. I…I wasn’t ready, Remus. There was so much left unsaid.”

“This? What…do you mean you knew he was planning on…? And you did nothing to stop it!” He pulled away from her, his face a mask of pain and disbelief.

“No…no…not Albus, not…no. It’s only that he spoke of leaving, of having to leave, and I…”

“Why did you say nothing?!” His anger hurt her.

“I had my reasons!” she bit back.

“Reasons? What reasons?! He…he must have been planning this for Merlin knows how long, and there you sat, knowing that ‘something’ was in the offing all along, and you did nothing? Said nothing?! Why, Lily? Because you loved him?” His voice was thick with sarcasm and accusation.

“Because I trusted him!” she snapped, tears coming to her eyes. “Be…because I trust him still.”

“T…trust him!” he sputtered. He pulled back and glared at her, shaking his head. “I…I was happy for you, Lily, really I was. You were too many years alone, and the two of you, no matter how different, seemed to be such good friends for so many years, but you know what he became, what he was, just as much as I. You ended your friendship with him for less than this…How in Merlin’s name can you possibly defend him now?!”

“Because he has earned my trust. Be…because he is a part of me now, and I can’t…we’re joined in a way that can’t be just…I…I’ve seen his heart, Remus! I know his heart!”

Some of the anger in his eyes faded, and he reached out and took her by the arms. “No one knows his heart, Lily. He is an expert Occlumens. He hides his true self from everyone.”

She shook her head, and swallowed hard in an attempt to reign in her emotions. “Not from me…” she whispered.

His brow furrowed and he looked pained. “Merlin, Lily…Do you…do you really love him as much as all that?”

All she could do was nod.

Something behind his eyes broke then, and he leaned forward suddenly, and pulled her into his arms. “Have you expressed this to anyone else?”

She shook her head.

“Don’t. It’s not safe.”

“I know. I would never…” she mumbled into his shoulder. “It is only that you are my dearest friend and I…I thought I could trust you, that you would understand.”

“You can. I do…Lily…I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t hate him, Remus, please. I couldn’t bear it. You were always the only one who didn’t judge. Believe me when I tell you that there is more here that what we see.”

He was silent. She knew that it was hard for him to believe, that he wanted to for her sake, but… Finally he spoke. “There was always something, a…a fire inside him… He was so cold on the surface, but underneath that…this hot, burning…Always more than met the eye…”

She pulled away and nodded. “Yes. Yes, I knew you would understand.”

“But what does it mean?”

“It means that I think we can trust him. I can’t say more, for all of our safety’s sake, but…Albus was always a great judge of character. He saw things in Severus years ago, things he deemed to be very useful, and I think…I think that their relationship was closer than any of us know…”

“What are you saying?”

She looked at him meaningfully. “Nothing. I’m not saying anything…”

He nodded. “Alright…” His eyes traveled across the lawn and she followed them. Dora was making her way across the grass toward them.

“I’m going to my sister’s for the summer; that is if she will have me. I sent an owl awhile back, but never heard anything back. No doubt Vernon Dursley baked the poor beast up for dinner. You know where my sister’s is, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Good. I wanted you to know where to find me. And you?”

“The cottage in Pirton.”

“Ah yes. Sirius would be glad of it - to know you were making good use of it. I think he always intended that it be more than just a refuge. The two of you had talked of living there once yourselves, hadn’t you?”

She saw pain for the briefest of moments in his eyes and then they flitted nervously to Dora’s approaching form, and she suddenly realized that he had revealed nothing of the old relationship to her. She raised an eyebrow in questioning disapproval, but the pleading look in his eyes made her hold her tongue as the girl finally reached them.

Getting to her feet she brushed the grass from her robes. “Hello, Dora. How have you been.”

“Alright, and you?” She sounded tired and a tad suspicious, but also unreasonably happy.

“As well as can be expected.”

The girl nodded. “I am sorry for your loss. I can’t…I just can’t imagine…”

“Thank-you. I was just telling Remus that I am going to be at my sister’s in Surrey this summer. Perhaps Harry and I will come to see the two of you if that is agreeable to you. I imagine that I will be craving a little outing or two after spending eight weeks with my sister.”

She smiled. “Oh yes, that would be very nice…” Some of the tension she had sensed in the girl as she approached seemed to dissolve at the suggestion.

“Good, well I will send you an owl in a few weeks if we still intend to come. It’s hard to say where any of us might end up over the next few weeks given the current political climate.”

She saw the suspicion return to the girl’s eyes, and decided it was time she extricated herself from the conversation. She was an Order member and an employee of The Ministry, after all. No doubt she knew that she was currently under investigation for her connection to the matter.

“Well, I see Harry has managed to lose the Minister and is heading back. I had best go and see that he’s packed and ready to leave.” She turned back to Remus, and wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug. “Thank-you. For everything…”

“You’re welcome,” he whispered into her hair.

She pulled away, hugged Dora briefly as well, and then headed back toward the castle in order to pack her things.